Day 26 - Freaking out internally....Round 2 of Seraphene and it seems to be pushing things back even further. Ovulated on day 16 this time. I wish I wish I wish....will wishing make it true? Tick tick tick....can you hear it? Just the crocodile in Peter Pan.
For the first time ever, I actually cancelled plans to stay home and attend appointments and make babies. I seriously pissed off a bunch of people. I guess that means I've officially crossed over from concerned to obsessive-compulsive about having a 2nd child. Oh they smell so good! I was playing with my cousin's son Aidan yesterday. He's just divine. And every fibre of my being goes berserk whenever small children come around.
My favourite thing (NOT) is when people tell me that if I just relax, then it will happen. I'm stressed out just thinking about whether or not I'm losing my mind! Tim is being very good about the whole thing and hasn't once commented on the fact that I have a project on the go in every room of the house and none of them are finished yet. He's never once complained about the fact that I can't just make a batch of muffins....I have to make 4 batches at once. We are swimming in raisin bran muffins right now. I think he gets that keeping ridiculously busy helps me to not think about other things like babies. Except that now there are only 12 days left in the summer before I go back to work and the house is a disaster. It is unpacked, it is partially painted but the projects must come to an end. Back to school...August truly is the Sunday of the summer.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
Round 2
So defeat came on day 27...the visit from Aunt Martha was 5 days earlier than my cycle sans Seraphene, but I was sooo psyched up about those 2 eggs that I was really devestated this time. Some months are much harder than others, and as usual, it's because of my level of expectation. The more hopeful I am, the more depressed I am afterwards. I drank a lot and gardened a lot but I'm still feeling worn out by this journey. I'm already well into the next cycle and Tim and I will need to get on it this week, but right now I'd rather curl up in the cold cellar than get with my man. It's hard to feel sexy when you feel inadequate.
Somehow I need to get out of this funk before the ovulation window. Hopefully my hormones will kick in.
Somehow I need to get out of this funk before the ovulation window. Hopefully my hormones will kick in.
Sunday, 4 July 2010
Dropped a couple of eggs
Well the school year has come to an end and I am no longer JUST a teacher. I'm officially the teacher-librarian of ODSS. Crazy. I'll admit there were some pretty strong emotions in teaching my last drama and media arts classes but I'm already discovering a new energy for my own creative outlets. (more on that as they develop)
We also moved into our new house in Elora, so if you've missed the regular blogging....I apologize. I'm on the summer track now, so I'm hoping to get back on track.
Today's visit to the Mississauga ISIS clinic meant that I, on day 17, was hoping that I had ovulated. It's my first cycle on Seraphene and it's supposed to help me ovulate earlier and prolong the luteal phase. I was consistently ovulating each month a single egg but on day 21 so my doctor's theory is that even if I'm conceiving, the phase between ovulation and implantation isn't long enough. If that luteal phase isn't long enough then the lining can't become lush enough for implantation.
So now on the Seraphene, I had 6 follicles growing at once! Unbelievable! 2 of them reached maturity and I dropped those eggs sometime in the last 24 hours. I think it was about 4 a.m. last night because I woke up with sharp pains and lots of pressure. So I'm hopeful....which is such a nice place to be.
We also moved into our new house in Elora, so if you've missed the regular blogging....I apologize. I'm on the summer track now, so I'm hoping to get back on track.
Today's visit to the Mississauga ISIS clinic meant that I, on day 17, was hoping that I had ovulated. It's my first cycle on Seraphene and it's supposed to help me ovulate earlier and prolong the luteal phase. I was consistently ovulating each month a single egg but on day 21 so my doctor's theory is that even if I'm conceiving, the phase between ovulation and implantation isn't long enough. If that luteal phase isn't long enough then the lining can't become lush enough for implantation.
So now on the Seraphene, I had 6 follicles growing at once! Unbelievable! 2 of them reached maturity and I dropped those eggs sometime in the last 24 hours. I think it was about 4 a.m. last night because I woke up with sharp pains and lots of pressure. So I'm hopeful....which is such a nice place to be.
Double Thyroid - Woo hoo!
When I was pregnant with Max, my hair was lush and full, my skin was moist and I glowed. Then when Max was born, my thyroid level plummeted and my lovely skin and hair were gone.
Dr. Jong, at the fertility clinic, says my thyroid level is at the highest end of normal so has doubled my dosage. Side effects include a feeling of invincibility (similar to when I was on Prednisone), my eczema is completely cleared up, my hair is radiant, and right now I have mood and energy highs and lows. On the high days I have the strength of 10 men and on the low days I have trouble lifting my spoon to my mouth.
Things are becoming more balanced every day but it is is a true trip.
Dr. Jong, at the fertility clinic, says my thyroid level is at the highest end of normal so has doubled my dosage. Side effects include a feeling of invincibility (similar to when I was on Prednisone), my eczema is completely cleared up, my hair is radiant, and right now I have mood and energy highs and lows. On the high days I have the strength of 10 men and on the low days I have trouble lifting my spoon to my mouth.
Things are becoming more balanced every day but it is is a true trip.
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
A new follicle
Day 15 - today, I'm up at 5:30 a.m. Again. I need to be in Mississauga for 7 a.m. for another ultrasound and bloodwork and teaching by 8:30. The clinic doctor has been tracking a little ovarian follicle for 2 days now....it's my beacon of shining hope right now. I am so so tired.
On Friday night, I attended P's Passion Party. Having never been to one of these before, it was eye-opening and I felt extremely normal suddenly. Perhaps it was the bucket of margaritas, but I think it had more to do with the room full of strange, happy women talking about sex for 4 hours. Anyway, Tim is going to be a very happy man. I still live in hope that I can be light about this fertility process when/if the going gets tough. I think anything that glows-in-the-dark and vibrates is good for a laugh!
Yesterday was my coming out party at work. My dear colleague L and I had been preparing a presentation for the staff on Learn360, the OERB and Wikispaces. We had Oprah, pugs, music, and lots of intellectual stimulation. We were, of course, phenomenal but the response was underwhelming. Anyway, I think I've been talked off the ledge again, but it was disheartening to not have more enthusiasm and feedback given to the fun stuff we were showing. I guess the proof will be in the pudding....if more teachers stop by the library with ideas for collaborating then I'll be happy again.
It's probably because it's May but I feel like packing. Packing up school, packing up relationships, I feel like I need a vacation. It's a good thing we get our new house on the 21st. I'm dreaming about stone walls, new plants, veggie plots and also....blogging and wikispaces. I'm a complex dude.
On Friday night, I attended P's Passion Party. Having never been to one of these before, it was eye-opening and I felt extremely normal suddenly. Perhaps it was the bucket of margaritas, but I think it had more to do with the room full of strange, happy women talking about sex for 4 hours. Anyway, Tim is going to be a very happy man. I still live in hope that I can be light about this fertility process when/if the going gets tough. I think anything that glows-in-the-dark and vibrates is good for a laugh!
Yesterday was my coming out party at work. My dear colleague L and I had been preparing a presentation for the staff on Learn360, the OERB and Wikispaces. We had Oprah, pugs, music, and lots of intellectual stimulation. We were, of course, phenomenal but the response was underwhelming. Anyway, I think I've been talked off the ledge again, but it was disheartening to not have more enthusiasm and feedback given to the fun stuff we were showing. I guess the proof will be in the pudding....if more teachers stop by the library with ideas for collaborating then I'll be happy again.
It's probably because it's May but I feel like packing. Packing up school, packing up relationships, I feel like I need a vacation. It's a good thing we get our new house on the 21st. I'm dreaming about stone walls, new plants, veggie plots and also....blogging and wikispaces. I'm a complex dude.
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