Desperate rutting

I had a conversation with a student this week....she was Pro-Life and I'm Pro-Choice....it started out as civil, anyway.  Being the adult in the room, I did my best to make sure that she wasn't just yelling out her opinion over and over again but her final argument brought out the worst in me.  She said "If women aren't willing to accept the responsibility of having a child, then they shouldn't have sex." I retorted "If God only wanted us to have sex for the sake of procreation, then maybe He wouldn't have made it so fun!"

Tim, my dear husband, is sick.  I'm disgusted with his snivelling, selfish, phlegm-covered humanity.  And I feel guilty for being disgusted.  I reminded him, not so sympathetically, that today is day 12.  Day 12 of the cycle of year 3 that we haven't been pregnant. That anxiety, his illness, it really sucks the God-injected fun out of sex, I'll tell you.  Sometime soon, despite the phlegm, either early in the morning, or late at night so as not to disturb our wee Max, we'll partake in the act of desperate rutting.  And hopefully, like a crocus emerging from the warm spring soil, my womb will welcome the small zygote of our love and I will be pregnant!

I go for my fertility acupuncture again tomorrow.  I want to believe I want to believe I want to believe that it's helping.  Then Wednesday, I'm playing hooky to drive to the big city to have our first consultation at a real live fertility clinic.  It scares the Bejeezus out of me, truthfully.  I wish it wasn't so one-sided....I know, as I've tried my family doctor, my ob-gyn, my naturopath and now the fertility clinic, that they'll look at me more under the microscope than Tim and frankly, I don't know if I have the courage/patience to do it all over again.  I'm going to listen to what they have to say, but I don't know if I have it in me to do this all the way....sperm-washing, egg extracting, IVF.  Ewwwww.